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And now, I guess she’s on crack.

Sometimes, it’s just so hard to explain things to a little kid. Like the time that Mommy got presents every month, even when it wasn’t her birthday.

That one ended up with SpiderMan having new “Gentle Glide with the Best Leak Protection” pewers, if you can imagine that. If you can’t, here is an image I drew of it.

Spiderman and his Playtex Pew-er.

Spiderman and his Playtex Pew-er.

So, the Boo and I were hanging out with LEGO MIXELs, which is his latest craze, the book I’m reading, and Pitch Perfect. We have the soundtrack for Pitch Perfect, so Boo was basically singing along to everything. It’s awesome. I keep telling him that when he gets older, we’re totally going to bombard my choir director with THREE GENERATIONS OF HOYER in the same choir.

Off topic.

So, Anna Kendrick goes to sing the cup song…

…and Boo looks up at me with this inquisitive stare and is all:

Hey Mommy, why do girls wear shirts with that line?

And I look at Anna Kendrick, and I look at her gray shirt with no lines and I look at Boo, and I’m like…what line?

So he walks up to the TV and he points.

Right. To the cleavage.

Boo: Girls wear shirts like right there.

Me: Well.

Boo: See, the line? Girls’ shirts are right there, and they have boobs and there’s like a line.

Me: Well.

Boo: Boys don’t have it. Cuz I sing Agonyand I don’t have a line.

And then he started singing Agony, and got totally distracted, and I texted furiously to people that Boo had just questioned cleavage, and how do you explain cleavage to a six year old?!

Fast Forward to the next day.

We’re at the dinner table, and enjoying a nice dinner, and Boo looks at me, super serious.

Hey Mommy, you’re wearing a Pitch Perfect shirt today!

And I look down, because I i’m pretty sure I don’t OWN a Pitch Perfect shirt.

But yeah. He was totally right.

Sh!t my kid says and YOU’RE WELCOME.

So, the first time, my family went on the Michigander, I brought my kindle along. It was a pain in the ass to charge, because everyone has a cell phone that needs to be charged, but it was nice to have a bazillion books to read.

The second time my family went on the Michigander, I was sick of all my digital books and I was nearly done with reading one of the best series ever.

It’s Harry, bitch.

The logical decision was to bring the damn book along. On a bike trip. Cuz, you know. YOLO.*

Dad: Your bag is so heavy.

Me: Well, you know, I’ve got some of the baby’s stuff in there. His crap won’t all fit in his little roll-y dinosaur trunk.

Inner Monologue: For real, it’s HP7. It’s J.K. Rowling‘s fault because she wrote a fucking truckload.

On this trip, Boo saw me reading the HP greatness. Being the smarty pants kid that he is, he asked the basic questions for a three year old.

Boo: Who’s he?

Me: Harry Potter.

Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson & Rupert Grint (...

Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson & Rupert Grint (left to right) at the world premiere of Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2 in London, England (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Boo: Oh. What’s he say?

Me: Expelliarmus.

Boo: Oh. Who’s this guy?

Me: Voldemort.

Voldemort as project manager

Voldemort as project manager (Photo credit: kevin dooley)

Boo: What’s he say?

Me: Avada Kedavra.

Boo: Oh.

Boo: Avada Kedavra!

Me: Just like that. But first, you need to have a wand, and second, we don’t like that spell.

Boo: Oh.

A few months after the bike trip, we were at Meijer. Boo was still on a “catch phrase” period of talking, so there was a lot of “expelliarmus” spells getting thrown around. We happened to be venturing down the aisle that Meijer calls a book aisle when Boo saw it. Harry Potter and the Deathly HallowsJust like Mom’s.

He gets excited. He points at the book. I’m excited too — because HARRY POTTER. But then the greatest moment in the history of small children and Harry Potter happened.

We’re walking away from the book, when Boo swivels in the child portion of the cart, points down the aisle, which has one 30 something innocent woman in it, and hollers. Avada Kedavra.

The woman has obviously read Harry Potter because her jaw just drops and she stares at us as we walk by. I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed, or if I should laugh or what. But my kid just Avada Kedavra’d that lady in Meijer.

I’m telling this story to one of my friends and she gets excited.

“You should absolutely read all the Harry Potters to Boo. You can write down what he says and blog it because it will all. be. hilarious.”

To which I responded, “YES, BUT HAVE YOU READ MUGGLEHUSTLE?”

YOU’RE WELCOME.

*I’m so sorry I said YOLO. I don’t know what came over me. CARPE MOTHERFUCKING DIEM.