Blog Archives

Mawwiage: what bwings us togetha today.

A few years ago, on another blog, Poof and I wrote about how our friends MC Hammer and Judy Jetson would one day find a way to be together and be in love. Apparently, we’re ESP(N), because on Saturday, they did it.

Mr. and Mrs. theArena!

Mr. and Mrs. theArena!

As with all other weddings I’ve ever been to, or been in, or stalked on facebook later, I’ve come out on the other side of things with a few things:

1. The Hangover.

…which is really okay, because it meant in the great battle of Go Big or Go Home, we did good.

You can't even hardly tell because we're classy.

You can’t even hardly tell how ridiculous we were because we’re classy.

2. Another gem to add to my 27 Dresses collection. 

Poof and I in our Wedding Best.

Poof and I in our Wedding Best.

The short bridesmaid dress was the best thing ever invented for weddings. Similar to when I head out for a random night out on the town, I’m all gonna dance all night.

This is a hell of a lot easier when you can wiggle around a little bit.

SoccerGirl and I strike my favorite pose: the Koala. This was made possible by the knee length b-maid dress.

SoccerGirl and I strike my favorite pose: the Koala.
This was made possible by the knee length b-maid dress.

3. Preparation is the key to success.

Poof and I headed out to Target on a mission a few days before the wedding. We’d learned from prior experiences that you should always be prepared, like the boy scouts say, lest you end up in a situation like this one:

November 2k10 — Poof and Captain’s Wedding

We’d forgotten about making mimosas for the morning of, as we got hair and make up and such done. Therefore, I ended up in a sketchy area of town, in a sketchy party store, dressed up in UGG boots and a guava bridesmaid dress with a flower in my hair.

Man at the counter: …are you in the right place?

Me: Do you have champagne and orange juice?

Man at the counter: …yes.

Me: then this is the right place.

Therefore. Outdoor photos in November in a strapless dress?

Be prepared

Five inch heels and dancing all night?

Be Prepared 2

4. Knowledge is Power.

After theAsian’s wedding a few summers ago, I learned that you should always bring flats to dance in, because you do not want to be the barefoot girl that goes home with black bottomed feet. Either you’re drunk in your sink, washing your feet off at 2 am, or you’re waking up the next morning hating yourself because you have to change your sheets with a hangover. You don’t like fitted sheets? Try them with the hangover on. This marriage was no exception to the new knowledge rule.

Bartender: Didn’t you just get a drink?

Me: I finished it.

Bartender: That fast?

Me: Some spilled.

Bartender: How much of it?

Me: It was an exciting song. I need a lid for my next drink.

Bartender: I can get you a sippy cup.

Me: …

Bartender: …

Me: …

Bartender: I’m totally kidding.

Me: …but could you really?

Bartender: Why not?

I switched to beer after that, because I didn’t want to be the girl on the dance floor with the kiddie cup.

BUT.

You know what was in my wedding present from SoccerGirl?

This was drink 3 of the day. Weddings mean day drinking and love.

This was drink 3 of the day, in my big girl sippy cup. Weddings mean day drinking and love.

Lesson taken from this wedding. Grown up sippy cups mean fun for everyone.

5. What you don’t remember, the camera will.

83 photos from Poof. 91 from me. 15 from my actual camera which I forgot to use after I recruited my groomsman to carry it for me at the reception.

Love, Marriage, Glowsticks.

Love, Marriage, Glowsticks.

Photographic Memory, basically.

MAWWIAGE, guys. MAWWIAGE IS WHAT BWINGS US TOGETHA TODAY. Technically, it brought us together Saturday, but y’know.

All the best, friends.

The World is Ending and I’m Turning 25.

So I just have to state how amazing my best friend/co-blogger really is. I’m so happy that I have her in my life to keep me sane and to keep our blog alive and well. Bravo, L.A.!!!

I apologize for my absence. Life gets going for me and I get writers block, making it hard to keep in touch.

This morning I received some snail mail from the Secretary of State. The state of Michigan politely reminded me that I’m turning 25 on December 23rd, and my driver’s license will expire. I do wonder if I have to renew since the world is ending on the 22nd. I will have to call customer service and ask. Maybe they have the answer on the ‘Frequently asked Questions’ section of their website.

20121118-220055.jpg

I have been alive for a quarter of a century. Such a monumental moment. I have reached my quarter life crisis. How should I deal with this dilemma? Buy a sport car? Date a younger man? Get hair plugs?

No, none of these excite me so I decided to list the 25 things I have learned by the age of 25. Drum roll, please….

  1. A smile can get you a long way.
  2. If a guy says others think he is an asshole, then he is an asshole.
  3. Never regret paying for an expensive pair of jeans. No one will ever complain that your butt looks too good when wearing them.
  4. Pay attention to how a guy treats his mom. He will treat you the same way.
  5. Love as hard as you can. And never regret it.
  6. Nothing is ever final in life.
  7. Always be overdressed.
  8. Enter every room like you’re in technicolor.
  9. Find your signature perfume.
  10. Write down your goals. You will complete them if you do.
  11. Quit the job you hate. You didn’t want to be there anyways.
  12. Find a reason to laugh at the bad moments in your life, then you will only have good memories in your mind.
  13. You can live without the guy you thought you couldn’t. And you will be happier that you did.
  14. Kill your competition with kindness.
  15. Don’t date him if doesn’t tell you that you look nice on the first date.
  16. Asking questions is the most intelligent thing you can do for yourself.
  17. Always step out of your comfort zone. The mystery is the best part.
  18. Don’t date him if he doesn’t make you laugh.
  19. Your best friends are your true soulmates.
  20. Time is an enemy and a friend. Accept it.
  21. Start a dance floor wherever you go.
  22. Laugh at yourself before others can.
  23. Having a good hair day is like winning the lottery.
  24. Always apply more mascara.
  25. Look at the world differently each day.

After writing this list, I think I have found inner peace if the world does supposedly end on the 22nd of the December.

I’m ready to celebrate my life at the age 25. Who wants to join my party? But, I refuse to scream YOLO…

He asked, I said…

There is a question that is hands down the most important question a girl will be asked in her life.

I hate you all right now, because I know you’re all thinking that I’m engaged. Come on, readers. If you’ve read any of my past tales, you know that my last few semblances of relationships have all crashed and burned in some kind of spectacular fashion.

Boom, baby, boom.

No, no. I am talking about that great rite of passage…Prom.

I was never asked to prom. My junior year, I started dating Ex. This was in April, a month before his senior prom, and he had asked someone the week before. Terrible timing.

I ended up asking this random guy I knew from the Relient K Air Conditioning and Fan Club (Yes, that existed).

At prom, junior year. We are walking into the ballroom where the dance is happening after dinner.

L.A.’s Date: So, I probably should have mentioned this…I get panic attacks in large groups of people.

L.A. (rather rudely and incredulously): You mean like at dances?

High School Prom, 2004. I actually started the evening wearing a white fedora and elbow length white gloves. BAMF.

Senior year, I was still dating Ex, so obviously. I just took him. Since he was a year older, and thus out of high school at this point, he didn’t ask me to prom. It was just assumed we would go together. On the plus side, I looked much better at this dance, and did not have braces.

Obviously, I made better decisions about life this year.

Thus, I have never been asked to prom. Wait, that’s wrong.

Fast Forward.

It’s 2012. I’m 25. I graduated high school 7 years ago. I still get carded at bars, but I figure it’s because I don’t look 21, not because I do look 17.

A kid comes into my office. He tells me that he’s almost done with school. That’s so exciting. I ask all the questions about where is going to go next year, what does he want to major in, etc, when he corrects me.

He’s almost done with his junior year. Then he’s a senior. Then he’s in college. I missed that step that he has to finish high school before he goes to college. You know what other step I missed? Prom.

“Aw,” I say. “When’s prom?”

“Saturday,” he tells me.

“Who are you going with?” I ask. I feel like my mother.

“No one actually,” he replies. “Just by myself. Got some friends going.”

“That’s cute,” I say.

“Yeah,” he sighs. ” There aren’t a lot of cool girls at my school. What are you doing Saturday?”

I laugh. “Not going to prom, unfortunately.”

“Oh.” There’s a pause. “Do you want to?”

Same week. Different time. I’m in a different colored pair of scrubs.

“So, I heard you say you’re almost done with school,” I tell a kid as he is leaving. “Senior year next year, huh?”

He nods. “I’ll be so glad to get out of there.”

“I think everyone feels that way towards the end. Don’t worry. Someday, you’ll miss it.”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t want to go to graduation next year.”

I’m in shock. “These are landmarks of your life right now! You have to go to your graduation! The all night party! Prom!”

“Did you want to go?” He asks me.

“Absolutely!” I’ve entered story telling mode. “Graduation was so much fun, and THE CHURCH CAUGHT FIRE!”

“Oh,” he says. “I meant prom. Did you want to go to prom?”

“I went to prom twice,” I tell him. “Senior year partly to make up how terribly I looked junior year.”

“No,” he corrects himself. He’s purple. “I meant did you want to go to prom now.”

I’m silent. “I don’t think they let 25 year olds into prom.” I finally say. “Maybe I’ll chaperone when my kid is in high school and embarrass him.”

Well, there you go. I’ve finally been asked to prom. Twice.

It’s only 7 years late.