Blog Archives

The World is Ending and I’m Turning 25.

So I just have to state how amazing my best friend/co-blogger really is. I’m so happy that I have her in my life to keep me sane and to keep our blog alive and well. Bravo, L.A.!!!

I apologize for my absence. Life gets going for me and I get writers block, making it hard to keep in touch.

This morning I received some snail mail from the Secretary of State. The state of Michigan politely reminded me that I’m turning 25 on December 23rd, and my driver’s license will expire. I do wonder if I have to renew since the world is ending on the 22nd. I will have to call customer service and ask. Maybe they have the answer on the ‘Frequently asked Questions’ section of their website.

20121118-220055.jpg

I have been alive for a quarter of a century. Such a monumental moment. I have reached my quarter life crisis. How should I deal with this dilemma? Buy a sport car? Date a younger man? Get hair plugs?

No, none of these excite me so I decided to list the 25 things I have learned by the age of 25. Drum roll, please….

  1. A smile can get you a long way.
  2. If a guy says others think he is an asshole, then he is an asshole.
  3. Never regret paying for an expensive pair of jeans. No one will ever complain that your butt looks too good when wearing them.
  4. Pay attention to how a guy treats his mom. He will treat you the same way.
  5. Love as hard as you can. And never regret it.
  6. Nothing is ever final in life.
  7. Always be overdressed.
  8. Enter every room like you’re in technicolor.
  9. Find your signature perfume.
  10. Write down your goals. You will complete them if you do.
  11. Quit the job you hate. You didn’t want to be there anyways.
  12. Find a reason to laugh at the bad moments in your life, then you will only have good memories in your mind.
  13. You can live without the guy you thought you couldn’t. And you will be happier that you did.
  14. Kill your competition with kindness.
  15. Don’t date him if doesn’t tell you that you look nice on the first date.
  16. Asking questions is the most intelligent thing you can do for yourself.
  17. Always step out of your comfort zone. The mystery is the best part.
  18. Don’t date him if he doesn’t make you laugh.
  19. Your best friends are your true soulmates.
  20. Time is an enemy and a friend. Accept it.
  21. Start a dance floor wherever you go.
  22. Laugh at yourself before others can.
  23. Having a good hair day is like winning the lottery.
  24. Always apply more mascara.
  25. Look at the world differently each day.

After writing this list, I think I have found inner peace if the world does supposedly end on the 22nd of the December.

I’m ready to celebrate my life at the age 25. Who wants to join my party? But, I refuse to scream YOLO…

Advertisements

Genetics and a collection of stories about VS

When my sister and I were growing up, we were basically two little bitches. We either REALLY loved each other, which involved exciting Barbie games and the like, or hated each other, which involved less exciting Barbie games where generally my Barbie would lose it’s head.

Then we grew older, and learned to appreciate each other.  This is pretty easy when there’s ten hours of distance between you, and an Asian mother who just tends to say really funny shit. Plus, we realized the world balanced out between the two of us. For example, I was street smart, and she was book smart. I could solve Sudoku like no other, and she got her SAT results in the mail saying “CONGRATULATIONS, EVERYONE ELSE IS FUCKING DUMB.”

VS: Age 7. L.A.: Age 5

Her street smarts lead to a number of hilarious moments throughout my life. I now bring you:

Stories that wouldn’t have happened if my parents hadn’t had a huge surprise in 1985.

The year is 2003. VS has just graduated from high school. We’re at Target with her best friend and we’re shopping for her new dorm room.

“Oh, crap.” VS tells us as we heave and ho a giant mini fridge into the cart. “I forgot my wallet in the car! How am I going to pay for my stuff?”

Her best friend and I exchange a look where we wonder how she ever got into college, then remember her near perfect ACT scores.

“VS,” the best friend says. “Why don’t you go out to the car and get your wallet?”

The lightbulb goes off. VS heads for the door.

AND THEN the Target Police got her.

Cue alarms and bells and whistles. Her best friend and I practically pee our pants laughing while VS looks at us with this innocent “WTF did I do” look.

Last Winter. VS is home for Christmas. We’re driving to meet some other Asians for drinks. We get to the bar and the best parking spot available involves parallel action.

“I suck at parallel parking.” I tell her. “How do you feel about walking to the bar from a non parallel location?”

Fuck that shit.” VS tells me. “I can parallel like a pro.”

So we switch places and she does some manuvers with the steering wheel while I try and fail to put eyeliner on.

“Done.” She puts the car into park.

We get out.

// Parking lessons from VS

“VS,” I tell her. “HALF my car is on the curb.”

“Yes,” she responds. “But ALL of it is in the parking spot.”

 

That brings us to the reason of this post.

  1. Yesterday was VS’s big 26th birthday. I dedicate this post of love to her. If anyone wants to send her some blessings or money or artistic opportunities, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
  2. The most recent story of “Why my big sister kicks ass and should write a book about it”

 

VS is at work with her co-worker, who has one of those ridiculously long and hard to spell hyphenated names. The co-worker wants to set up VS on a date.

VS debates over this for awhile. She decides that she will e-mail co-worker about the set up.

“Dear Impossibly long named co-worker,

I’ve decided you may set me up with your friend. However, he must be good in bed.

Best, VS”

However, when she goes to send this e-mail, she can’t remember how to spell the really long name, which conveniently is the co-worker’s email address.

Quick thinking has VS finding the co-worker’s name on an office e-mail.

REPLY.

PASTE E-MAIL.

SEND.

Yeah. She sent it to the WHOLE OFFICE.

 

I love you, big sis.

Happy Belated Birthday.

L.A. is going to the chapel but she is only a bridesmaid

Last Sunday, I woke up with immense pains in my side. Not from bodily malfunctions, or intense sex, or anything like that. The boning in my bridesmaid dress caused me great pain after FunSized and I tore up the dancefloor.

CoSi and I originated this pose from the FRIENDS opening sequence — I have pictures dating back to Junior Year Homecoming where we’re doing this!

That’s right.

After 1 forced homecoming date, approximately 7 years of dating, and 15 minutes at the front of a church for vows, Bobo and Engaged are officially Mr. and Mrs. Bobo. Also, from this point on, Engaged will be known as…CoSi (There’s a reason.)

I cried. I cried a lot. FunSized sat next to me and she cried too. Bobo’s older sister sat on the other side of me and she cried too. Old women were passing us Kleenex. Our mascara and eyeliner suffered greatly.

I realized that there’s something absolutely AMAZING about being able to stay friends with people for so long…Engaged and I are going on 18 years, FunSized and I are going on 7 years, Bobo and I are going on 10…I even wrote a speech for the couple about all these years we have together, which made me cry every time I read it.

ANYWAY.

The wedding was fabulous. I love when my friends get married. After the crying, we took a party bus around for pictures, then settled down at the reception. FunSized got “Night at the Roxbury‘d” by Arrington and Neo (a high school friend), while I lasso’d in HSM. Then, we danced. And by danced, I mean we requested every single line dance known to man and performed them. Because FunSized and I learned them ahead of time.

An enjoyable moment of the evening:

L.A.’s Dad: So who did you walk down the aisle with?

L.A.: HSM.

L.A.’s Dad: Didn’t you date him in high school?

L.A.: No.

L.A.’s Dad: But wasn’t he over at our house a lot?

L.A.: I guess, once or twice, maybe?

L.A.’s Mom: FunSized walked with Arrington?

L.A.: Yes.

L.A.’s Dad: Didn’t you date him in high school?

L.A.: Not really.

L.A.’s Dad: But wasn’t he over at our house a lot?

L.A.: (Sighing) Yes.

L.A.’s Mom: Oh, there’s Bobo, he looks so happy. L.A. dated him in high school too.

L.A.: NO, I did NOT.

L.A.’s Dad: But wasn’t he over at our house a lot?

L.A.: Because he was DATING Engaged!

L.A.’s Dad: When did you have time to date Ex?

L.A.: Sigh.

CoSi and BoBo’s first dance

On that enigmatic note, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Bobo.

All the best to my besties 🙂