So, apparently, to go to kindergarten (literally, from German “children’s garden), there is a “screening” that needs to be done.
It makes sense. Basically, as I was explained it, the school checks on the kid’s skills, to make sure he is up to par to handle kindergarten (a big step up from the “pre” stages of life) and then if he’s not, gives you things to work on so he will be come the start of school.
My kid passed with flying colors because he’s mother beeping awesome.
We’re leaving the screening, and I’m talking with his new teacher (also mother beeping awesome). And she’s telling me about how thrilled she was to meet Boo, and how excited about school he is, etc etc.
Teacher: Boo has some great stories to tell!
Me: Oh yeah, he’s good at that.
Boo: Just like my mom.
[Teacher and I both turn to look at Boo]
Boo: On her blog.
Genetics, guys. Hard at work. Next guest blog, by Boo.
The other day, in a fit of comment-versation, Nathan Triple Name and I decided to gang up and write a post or two together. You know, board games, sex, metaphors – Oh, the metaphors! – and other such interesting things that keep you people chuckling with me*.
Well, he asked me what next week’s post should be about, and I right away jumped on the monopoly bandwagon.
Then, I started brainstorming, and went to write a draft when I realized it. 99 published posts. Next post:
What exactly does one do to celebrate 100 published posts?
I’ll save those for another day. After all, you do not know about the great game I invented when I graduated high school, involving food, body parts, and twister.
You know what I’ll share with you today?
10 5 things I’ve gotten out of the last 100 posts.
1. The chance to write, write, and write some more. I hadn’t been writing as much before I rediscovered blogging. Sure, I had a xanga back in the day, but that went kibosh in college. I used to write in journals all the time too, but life gets busy, and that gets put to the wayside too. Then I found my way to the blogosphere. Blogging gets you more involved in what you’re writing. Instant feedback(unless you assholes don’t comment).
2. Chasing dreams, achieving dreams. I wrote a book. I’ve actually written four books. Bits and pieces of lots of books. Books and stories and tellings of things where you can see people stop and listen and take in what you are sharing with them. Geez, what a feeling. But I’m actually taking full fledged steps to try and get some of my stuff published. One of these days, guys. Something will be on the shelves with my name on it, and you’ll remember me from here.
4. Technology and I might constantly have angry angsty breakups. But at least we get along now. Some of the stuff that goes on with having a blog is having some technology know how. I have what’s called “shit breaks constantly around me.” But with a little patience, and a lot of friends who are more talented at this stuff with me, I actually feel competent about posting stuff. I even made my very own blog button. Yes, I know it’s not hard. I don’t care. Oh, and my phone doesn’t have a cracked screen right now. Knock on wood.
5. L.A., this is L.A. Having a blog name was originally to protect the innocent.
I blogged about life, to de-stress, to sort things out in my head, to be angry in a more healthy manner. To apparently piss people off (that acutally happened a lot). But somewhere in the realm of going from blogging about life and blogging about people, to whatever the fuck it is I’m doing now, I came more to terms with who I am. L.A., or Laura Anne, or just Laura, because no one actually calls me Laura Anne, ever. The blog is on facebook now, and even my mother has read the occasional post. Between tsk-ing me for the swears, she’s all,
You know Bunso, you are a good writer.
And that’s nice. I like those moments.
So, here’s to the last 100 posts. And probably another 100 more. I do have a lot of drafts saved of terrible, terrible stories involving texts that say:
Him: Do you know what I want for St. Patrick’s Day?
Me: the same thing I want?
Him: L.A. with a side of rainbow.
You never know what’s coming, guys.
P.S. What’s your favorite post on Chicks in the Mitt?
*Yes, I know you’re not chuckling with me. You’re just chuckling…around me**.
**Yes, I know you’re not chuckling around me, but chuckling at me.
The other day, I was ranting and roaring about how much trouble I’ve been having being funny.
Inner Monologue: It’s because you aren’t funny.
Me: I’m so funny. I’m just having trouble writing it down.
Inner Monologue: That’s not true. I remember everything. It’s not funny.
Actual Other Human Being: …Are you talking to yourself?
This of course brought on the conversation where I explained why I was talking to myself and of course, the important fact that I’m not bat shit crazy, I’m just a blogger with some major issues. Those being writer’s block. Nothing more.
So, the actual human being checked out this blog, told me I was kind of funny when I’m not trying, and told me that obviously, if I just wrote everything down, something funny would happen, and then it would be captured in writing and the world would right itself.
Like I didn’t think of that.
Then, he proceeded to bet me the price of my dignity, and an additional $20 that I couldn’t continuously post for a whole week — which means something readable and more than fifty words and not totally judged and not posted would have to go up everyday. For a week.
No judgement for a week.
So, you people can be the judges. Once a day for seven days. Starting today, since by the time we made this bet, yesterday’s post had already gone up and APPARENTLY, in this establishment, small people are not allowed to ride dogs like horses. Or count previously posted blogs.
So, I’m brainstorming. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
- I’ve decided to do one of those daily diatribes like my friend Triple Name does over on his new blog — for example — yesterday, he did “Why I’m weird Wednesday.” That means there is a solid chance you’ll be seeing a “Sh!t My Mother Says Saturday/Sunday/Day of the week because I got lazy on Saturday/Sunday.”
- I’ve also decided to dump the contents of my purse out and show ya’ll what I carry around/why I have back problems, courtesy of the gorgeous Camie over at Wild-Spirit.net. This might scare you. You wouldn’t believe the random stuff I have hidden away in my beast of a bag.
- FITTED SHEETS. ‘Nuff said.
That gets me, counting today, through four days of the week. I need some ideas kids. I’ll split the $20 with you. Between all my readers, that’s like fifty cents for everybody. And as Smash Mouth once said, we could all use a little change.
I’m saying “yo” an excessive amount today. It feels appropriate — like when I tell you all about how the bet is going, yo.
Day 1: You’re looking at it.
So I just have to state how amazing my best friend/co-blogger really is. I’m so happy that I have her in my life to keep me sane and to keep our blog alive and well. Bravo, L.A.!!!
I apologize for my absence. Life gets going for me and I get writers block, making it hard to keep in touch.
This morning I received some snail mail from the Secretary of State. The state of Michigan politely reminded me that I’m turning 25 on December 23rd, and my driver’s license will expire. I do wonder if I have to renew since the world is ending on the 22nd. I will have to call customer service and ask. Maybe they have the answer on the ‘Frequently asked Questions’ section of their website.
I have been alive for a quarter of a century. Such a monumental moment. I have reached my quarter life crisis. How should I deal with this dilemma? Buy a sport car? Date a younger man? Get hair plugs?
No, none of these excite me so I decided to list the 25 things I have learned by the age of 25. Drum roll, please….
- A smile can get you a long way.
- If a guy says others think he is an asshole, then he is an asshole.
- Never regret paying for an expensive pair of jeans. No one will ever complain that your butt looks too good when wearing them.
- Pay attention to how a guy treats his mom. He will treat you the same way.
- Love as hard as you can. And never regret it.
- Nothing is ever final in life.
- Always be overdressed.
- Enter every room like you’re in technicolor.
- Find your signature perfume.
- Write down your goals. You will complete them if you do.
- Quit the job you hate. You didn’t want to be there anyways.
- Find a reason to laugh at the bad moments in your life, then you will only have good memories in your mind.
- You can live without the guy you thought you couldn’t. And you will be happier that you did.
- Kill your competition with kindness.
- Don’t date him if doesn’t tell you that you look nice on the first date.
- Asking questions is the most intelligent thing you can do for yourself.
- Always step out of your comfort zone. The mystery is the best part.
- Don’t date him if he doesn’t make you laugh.
- Your best friends are your true soulmates.
- Time is an enemy and a friend. Accept it.
- Start a dance floor wherever you go.
- Laugh at yourself before others can.
- Having a good hair day is like winning the lottery.
- Always apply more mascara.
- Look at the world differently each day.
After writing this list, I think I have found inner peace if the world does supposedly end on the 22nd of the December.
I’m ready to celebrate my life at the age 25. Who wants to join my party? But, I refuse to scream YOLO…