Sh!t kids say and I’ve got some ‘splaining to do.
Guys, I hurt. I hurt real bad. It’s not one of those crazy over emotional days or anything like that. It’s more of a “I hate being a girl” day.
That’s right. I’m oversharing, interwebs. I’m TMI-ing the hell out of the blog. Because right now, I have cramps, and they’re terrible, and that means that Mother Nature is about to send Moses to part the red sea or I’m about to ride the crimson wave or whatever the hell analogy you like to use to describe that I’M ABOUT TO BE MOTHER BITCH FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
I seriously hate this time of the month. DESPISE IT. I get all angry, then all weepy, then all drowsy, and then every emotion ever in the history of womenkind. I’m like the theater masks times six million.
So, I get all crampy, and realize that it’s about that time, and I go to check my “supplies.” As luck would have it, I’m completely bumblefucking out of my lady products. Of course I am.
So I wrap up the Boo, and buckle him in, and it’s off to the store. We get some string cheese, we pick out some random things from the dollar section because one cannot simply walk into Target and not buy things from the dollar section, and we get him a new toothbrush because why the hell not. Then we get to the girly aisle, and I get what I need, and I toss them into the cart.
Boo: What are those?
Me: They’re for mommy.
Boo: Can I have one?
Me: You don’t need one.
Boo: Why not?
Me: They’re for ladies.
Boo: Boys can’t have them?
Me: Boys don’t need them. They’re for Mommy’s…special time.
Boo: Like your birthday? My birthday’s in September.
Me: No, not that special. This is…mommy’s time of the month.
Boo: Oh. Can I have a birthday the next month too?
Me: No, it’s not like…present time special.
Boo: Do you get presents at your special time?
Me: Not the good kind.
Boo: They should be the good kind.
Me: I KNOW, RIGHT?
Then Boo saw some yogurt with Perry the Platypus on them and totally forgot about Mommy’s special things. Yay, short attention span.
We get home, and Boo runs upstairs and I start telling my mother about the awkward.com
Me: Boo asked me what tampons were. I debated telling him it means no siblings right now.
Mom: Don’t tell him that.
Me: Well, how do you tell a four year old about a tampon?
Mom: It’s for a lady’s time…
Me: -I’m being Boo. What time? Bedtime?
Mom: No, a time for a lady’s body to…discharge?
Me: WHAT’S DISCHARGE?
I go upstairs, feeling a little better because NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN A TAMPON TO A FOUR YEAR OLD BOY and Boo is in the bedroom with all his toys out. Also. With all my toys out*.
Me: Boo, did you open Mommy’s box?
Boo: They’re for boys too.
Me: How are they for boys? These are for mommy’s…body.
Boo: Uh, they’re pew-ers. DUH.
Posted on September 9, 2013, in DNA and other bonding things. Like Blood., Fix My Lighthouse, PSA and tagged Crimson Wave, girls, Hannah Horvath, Lena Dunham, Mother Nature, parent, Parenting, Period, Things Kids Say, Time of the Month. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.