Basically, my journals are my horcruxes, but not really.

If you haven’t read Harry Potter, you might wanna go the fuck away. One, because WHY NOT?! Two, because there’s sort of spoilers in here. Like seriously. Come back when you finish the series.

I’m such a pack rat, guys. Seriously. I save fucking everything.

I have all of the Blue and Whites from when I was in high school (that’s my high school newspaper). I have old corsages from dances. I have wristbands from particularly memorable nights out. I have ticket stubs. I have the chapstick of the guitarist from Sanctus Real from a concert I went to in high school.

I’m not kidding. And that is so fucking creepy. I’m embarrassed that I’m not kidding.

Among all the hubbub that I keep though, there is something that if you know me, I mean really, really know me, then you know I have these.

Journals. Scads and Scads and Scads of journals.

“It’s not a diary. Diaries lock. 12 year old girls keep diaries. This is a journal.”

That was my excuse to people, who thought it was strange that I was a 14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21, etc year old, carrying around a blank book to scribble in. We’ll see how you feel if I ever publish these beauties. Mostly, I just always wanted to be writing. Short stories, poetry, gossip, crush of the year/week/day/hour/minute when someone brushed me on the stairs. My 3rd period Honors English III teacher was THRILLED that I was always writing, although I think she wouldn’t have been as enthralled if she’d read some of what I’d written.

i’m trying not to think of you now

but i’m wringing out the towel

and every drop drips your name

and your face

and god

i wish the sun would dry you out

drive you out

drive me in and love me

(excerpt from a poem from 2003)

But I couldn’t stop. Years later, I look at these journals, and I’m not quite sure what to do with them. Do I want to get rid of them? No. Would you? It’s a pile of reminders of who I was, or who I was when I didn’t know who I was, or just memories of times and changes and people that I might lose otherwise.

But other than that? It’s a pile of books gathering dust under my bed.


I was reading Harry Potter, for the 210394823 time. Because it’s Harry Potter, and that’s what you do.

So, I’m reading HP, and I’m crying, and I’m trying not to drip my tears on my book, because I totally turned down a night of underage drinking in college to get the damn thing at midnight, when my friend Mohawk texts me.



Like any 20 something folks that grew up in the mind of J.K. Rowling, we begin discussion of the book. He, of course, brings up the second best Headmaster in the history of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Snape. Snape. Severus Snape.

Which would be well and good until…


And now we come full circle.


Not just gathering dust under the bed. But useful when needed to one up someone in a debate on if or if not you considered Severus Snape to be a very, very bad man, or else you know…


Boom. Courtesy of like journal…#34 or something.

I’ve never been so thrilled to have kept these books all these years.


P.S. Dear J.K. Rowling,

If you happen to write another 7 books, could they maybe be about Sirius going through Hogwarts? Or James, or Remus, or Lily? I’ll settle for anyone except for Wormtail, cuz douchecanoe.





About L.A.

Mom Life/Engaged Life/Blog Life/Love Life

Posted on August 5, 2013, in DeLorean DMC-12, Merriments, Words and Phrases and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. okay, i apologize in advance because this comment will probably end up longer than your post, but harry potter and journals and snape and the marauders and i just can’t control myself on any of these topics.

    to start with, i always wanted to be the kind of girl that wrote in journals. i started when i was ten (i was never into diaries, but journals were something else) but my sisters were both really nosy and really judgy at the time and i would end up being mocked for what i wrote for years (no matter where i hid them). so i started censoring myself, but that got old fast and eventually i stopped writing in them. almost a decade later i started up again and then – and i have no idea why – i stopped last year. i’m trying to restart the journal writing for all of the reasons that you mentioned, but it’s hard once you get used to not writing down everything. i hope you never stop.

    moving on, i had one friend who was sure snape was good and one who was convinced he was evil. me? i just didn’t care. i hated him. still do. as a literary observer, i think that he is an awesomely written character. there were enough hints of his goodness from early on that it didn’t seem like jk rowling just changed her mind about him last second, but enough about the opposite to keep people guessing. as a reader, though, i just really, really hate him. i like young snape and can sympathize with him just fine, but he grew up to be an asshole no matter how long he loved lily. and i’ve always been mildly obsessed with sirius (to the point where i wrote more than one novel length fanfiction story about him during high school, a fact that i both love and find completely embarrassing). so that always had me a bit biased towards snape, too. young me completely blamed snape for sirius dying. (i got over this later, but i still don’t like snape.) remus is my second favorite and snape pretty much treated him like crap which didn’t make me like him any more.

    because of my aforementioned love for sirius (and the rest of the marauders) i have always always always wanted a 7 book series of his time in hogwarts. she wrote that one short story thing of james and sirius that was awesome, but i want thousands of pages of them. (which is why my friend and i wrote our own as well as reading others’.) i would personally watch her kids, cook her food, clean her house, and run any and all errands she needed me to if it meant she would sit in a room and produce this series for me.

    i will stop myself here, because it is really hard for me to shut up when it comes to harry potter, but i leave you with this (i do like alan rickman, despite my snape-hatred):

    oh, and i am a huge pack rat, too. though i don’t have chapstick of a lead singer, i do still have the math packet that my tenth grade crush helped me with.

    • I can’t even begin to tell you the awesomeness of this comment. I love you for it. I love you for the length, and the content, and the fact that I might write a follow up blog to answer all the finer points.

      I’m not joking.

      I might have to do it.

      I think I’m going to do that.

  2. 1. i kind of love how you make me send you an email instead of getting whatsapp even though i got snapchat :-p

    2. i find people who haven’t read harry potter extremely weird. i don’t even want to talk to them! 😀

    3. i too always knew that snape was good. i said it all the time and no one ever believed me! BUT now i can say “in your face!” muahahaha

    4. i looooove that you keep all your journals and yes, i too think they can be really useful and i will never speak to you again if you ever throw them away!

    • 1. Lol, I’M SORRY. The name gives me weird vibes. WHATSAPP?! WHAT IS THAT EVEN?!

      2. AMEN. Harry Potter was totally a chunk of my childhood. IT SHOULD BE THE SAME FOR EVERYONE. I DECLARE IT SO.

      3. Snape always reminded me of the whole “if he teases you, he must like you” thing, pre seeing “He’s just not that into you.” Not like he was in LOVE with Harry. But he was TOO MUCH of a douche weasel to just hate him.

      4. Done. Keeping them forever, or at least til the pearly gates or whatever. I’ll mail them to you if I die first. You can learn ALL MY CRUSHES EVER.

      • 1. it’s like texting but free! like imessage… :-p

        2. everyone should read it in school and write exams about it! you can learn more from the harry potter books than from other books! that’s a fact! haha

        3. i know what you mean! i always thought so too. why would someone HATE a child… it just seemed so not logical. and in books or films the ones who act mean are always the nice ones in the end.

        4. oooooh, yessss! you definitely have to give them to me. please, put it in your will! 😀

  3. a follow up post would be awesome. you should really do that.

    and not to stick my nose into other conversations (except that i am totally sticking my nose into other conversations) i actually had to write a paper on new technologies last semester, and a whole section was about whatsapp. the developers thought they were cool and made it a play on “what’s up?” also, they (as a company) don’t store any of your messages ever which is kind of awesome.

    • AHHH, Do I want to download this app? I just hate to give in to another trend, lol. I even had HEYTELL for awhile, now that I think about it.

      It was like the new age Beep Beep.


  4. see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one more reason to get whatsapp! 🙂

  1. Pingback: the [superbowl] sunday, currently. | Chicks In The Mitt

  2. Pingback: I’ve over thought my childhood addictions | Chicks In The Mitt

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: