Cucumber Man… the myth, the legend, the man.

In my last post, I shared a story of Cucumber Man. I promise to share how his name came to be. I’m keeping my promise.

In the summer my office has a company garden. We have a huge shipping yard with lots of space so it’s easy and everyone enjoys the free produce.

I started my job in late summer of last year. So I didn’t have help with the process of up-keeping the garden, but I did get to enjoy the fruits of everyone else’s labor.

One day, before Cucumber Man was actually Cucumber Man, he picked a fat, perfect green cucumber from the garden and brought it into the office for safe keeping.

He made one vital mistake with his safe keeping. He left the cucumber on the office’s kitchen counter.

Even I, who had only been working at the office for 2 weeks, knew not to do this.

The office’s kitchen counter is fare game. If something is on it then anyone can consume or take it without asking. Simple 101 rules of the office.

Cucumber Man left his perfect cucumber on the counter… unattended and unguarded.

When he returned to the counter… he discovered it was gone.  The horror!!!

The cucumber hunt…

Cucumber man started screaming for his cucumber.

“Who took my cucumber?”

“Where is my cucumber?”

I had not witnessed the cucumber go missing and I did not take it. Nor did I care about the cucumber.

Cucumber man questioned each person he encountered.

He had to come to his own conclusion when he found me for questioning.

“Did you take my cucumber. You look guilty.”

No, I didn’t take your cucumber, jerk face. The expression on my face reflects my complete shock that you’re freaking out over someone taking your cucumber. -This is what I wanted to say.

Instead… I denied taking it, but knowing in his heart he believed I had stolen it.

About an hour later, the cucumber resurfaced. One of the outside sales guys took it, thinking it was fair game since it was on the office’s kitchen counter.

Cucumber man came in my office and gave me a half-hearted apology.

“I’m sorry I thought you took the cucumber, but you looked guilty.”

Never take a man’s cucumber. The wrath is unbearable.



About GoldDust

Gold Dust… IS: Not a Hotch…but is pretty awesome. an Arab-fanatic, but has only dated a Persian. A cock-pollution survivor. Poof’s puppy’s best friend. A tale-teller, an advice giver, and blondette to boot. too friendly to the homeless. LOVES: a lot of things, a boy from liggett, old lady clothes, velvet coats, red dresses, being on TV, holding microphones, berets, serpents, fuzzy ear muffs, stevie nicks, peacocks, beards and volvos, and hand warmers, oh, and cheerios. HATES: critters, clingers, people who can’t properly drive a stick shift, pre-mature ejaculation, half-Persians, quit dresses.

Posted on June 7, 2013, in Carpe Diem and YOLO and stuff like that, DeLorean DMC-12, We Think We're Funny, Words and Phrases and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. kinda reminds me of ross from friends and his sandwich…

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