Bring Home the Bacon

My office has a pretty carefree energy about it. We get the job done and then we drink. It’s our motto.

Fridays are reserved for beer. We get out at 4pm, and usually find a bar to unwind.

Last week was no exception. We found a local bar to help drown the week’s chaos.

The boss’ son works for the company, and our work relationship has always been rocky. I have given him the nickname of Cucumber Man. I will save that story for another time.

Cucumber Man is a character and we don’t see eye-to-eye on much. He is a very forward person with his opinions, and isn’t always polite about sharing them. He is also a vegetarian. I’m the opposite of him so we bicker regularly.

While at the bar, we started to bicker about all sorts of things. I know the rest of the office is rolling their eyes at us.

He began to whine about being a vegetarian and why it makes him selfless… blah, blah, blah.

I asked him if there was one thing he missed about eating meat. He said that he really missed bacon.

“Tofu bacon isn’t the same.”

Of course it’s not the same… it’s tofu.

At this point, I became audacious.

“Well since you won’t eat meat, I will eat meat for you. You can get me a BLT and I will enjoy the crispy bacon you deny yourself.”

He thought I was joking, but I found a waitress, gave her my order and told her to put it on his bill.

He watched all of this and didn’t do anything. I assume he was in shock.

Moments later, I received my delicious BLT sandwich with crispy bacon.

Before my first bite, I looked at him and said,

“I will let you have a bite and not tell anyone that you ate meat.”

He laughed and looked away as I began to enjoy the master piece.


I got another bold idea after I had finished eating my BLT that the vegetarian had purchased for me.

As he sat next to me, sipping his beer, I asked him about his ex-girlfriend.

Back story: Cucumber Man had a traumatizing break-up. She dumped him and two months later she was engaged to another man. It’s been closet office joke for months.

His only replied to my question with,

“We are the ‘no speaking’ terms”

I sarcastically replied with,

“that’s unfortunate.”

Being satisfied with my conquest, I sobered up and decided to leave the broken man at the bar.

I want more bacon.



About GoldDust

Gold Dust… IS: Not a Hotch…but is pretty awesome. an Arab-fanatic, but has only dated a Persian. A cock-pollution survivor. Poof’s puppy’s best friend. A tale-teller, an advice giver, and blondette to boot. too friendly to the homeless. LOVES: a lot of things, a boy from liggett, old lady clothes, velvet coats, red dresses, being on TV, holding microphones, berets, serpents, fuzzy ear muffs, stevie nicks, peacocks, beards and volvos, and hand warmers, oh, and cheerios. HATES: critters, clingers, people who can’t properly drive a stick shift, pre-mature ejaculation, half-Persians, quit dresses.

Posted on June 6, 2013, in Carpe Diem and YOLO and stuff like that, Twatterpants and other social networks, We Think We're Funny, Words and Phrases and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I don’t know how those veggie people do it…. bacon is a necessity of life.

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