No one mourns the WICKED. And by WICKED, I mean, douchebags checking their phones during the theater.

I tend to start all my thoughts with the word “so.”

So, this month, one of my favorite musicals of all time was in town.

Wicked (musical)

Wicked (musical) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

CoSi and FunSized and I are all music freaks, so as soon as we found out about, CoSi was iMessaging us that we needed to go. We bought tickets, we planned, and last Saturday, off we went.

FunSized, CoSi, and yours truly.

FunSized, CoSi, and yours truly.

I, of course, cried.

When For Good is performed, I get all these mad flashbacks to my freshman year of college when 202 and I sang it for the Broadway Revue, and it’s just such a good song. Then, of course Defying Gravity is pretty much the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen happen on a stage and I DARE YOU NOT TO LOVE THAT MOMENT.

Somehow in the mist of all this good witch/bad witch/emerald city action I came to my post for today.

Twatwaffles at the theater

In no particular order, this is my list of things that bother me at live theater events.

1. Jeans

Any live event obviously took a lot of time to prepare. I sing with the Symphony Chorus in Grand Rapids (we’re performing Missa Solemnis in two weeks, by the way), and we’ve been practicing this piece for months. And we’re the volunteer choir. That’s not even the amount of hours that the symphony, or the soloists, spend practicing. In a musical, they have to memorize their lines, their movements, their staging. All this work to prepare a show, for you, the theater goer, and you couldn’t even be bothered to dress nicely?!

We personally opted for dresses.

We personally opted for dresses.

2. LipSyncers

I’ll be the first to admit that yes, I love Wicked. Yes, I know the majority of the words. YesI have even performed songs from Wicked in my lifetime. However, does this mean I should be “performing” during the musical? No. Does this mean that the person in the row behind me who was SINGING ALONG THE ENTIRE SHOW pissed me off? Yes. You’re not on stage. You’re not as good as the people on stage. And, in case you missed the memo. You come to the theater to listen, asshat.

3. The latecomers

But L.A., you say. You’re ALWAYS FUCKING LATE. This is true. I’m late 95% of the time. However, this is the type of thing that I’m nearly always on time, or GASP early for. Nobody wants to be the douchecanoe making everyone in the row stand up during the show to get to their seat which of course is at the center of the row. Be on time. Be respectful to everyone else. Or at least wait until there is a pause in the show — like during applause or something. Does this mean you might have to wait for a good portion of time to sit down? Yes. You should’ve been on time.

4. Talkers

I brought a date to the symphony once last year, and partway through Brahms Symphony No. 2, he leaned over to me and whispered, “This might be a dumb question, but is this supposed to be happy or sad?” It was a small conversation about the music, and was actual proof that he was listening to the music, and not just along for the ride. However, I’ve been to concerts and shows, where people carry on full conversations. I remember once in particular, I went to my old high school’s musical, and the person behind me…

“Oh, there’s so-and-so.”


“Over there! He’s in blue!”

“That one?”

“The other blue! He’s dancing now! Look at him dancing, he must get that from you!”

For. Half. The. Show. Please. Shut. Up.

5. Leaving before curtain call.

The show ends.

You liked it.


WHY, praytell, are you rushing out of here then? Beating the rush out of the parking lot? Gotta buy that souvenir before there’s a line? That’s not a good reason. The show isn’t over. There are a long list of people that put a lot of effort into this work that deserve your attention. You gave it to them while they were performing, so give it to them now. Acknowledge that you appreciated what they did. Sit the fuck down. Or stand up, if it was that good, because standing ovations are acceptable too.


Do you agree? Do you have pet peeves when you go to the theater? Share in the comments! And if you live in the Grand Rapids area, seriously. Missa Solemnis. May 11 and 12. Check that shit out.



About L.A.

Mom Life/Engaged Life/Blog Life/Love Life

Posted on May 1, 2013, in Artsy Fartsy Things, Merriments, PSA, Twatterpants and other social networks, Words and Phrases and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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