Violence isn’t really supposed to be funny.
Me: I’ve decided to try and be a comedian. I’m pretty funny a lot of time. People always laugh.
Gustav: They’re laughing at you. Not with you.
Me: that line is overused. You stole that humor. Therefore, you are not funny, and I don’t believe you.
Gustav: You’re delusional.
Me: If by delusional, you mean hilarious.
Gustav: No, because “funny” isn’t “i took seven hours to write a blog about a deer getting mauled by a vampire.” It’s “Dane Cook trained a monkey to help him rob a bank.” People who write just aren’t funny as people who do stand up.
Me: FALSE. But seriously, all I need to do is to want a trained monkey and I’ll be funny to you?
Gustav: No, that’s not all. But what funny thing are you going to do with a trained monkey?
Me: Punch you in the face, for one thing.
Gustav: Right. And where are you going to find a violent, angry monkey?
Gustav: I don’t want that thing near me.
Me: He’ll be sitting next to you at my first stand up gig.
Gustav: You still won’t be funny.
Me: But a cynical man getting attacked by my small angry monkey, that’s funny. And since it’ll be at my gig, I’m going to take credit. I told you I was funny.