Bob/Weave/Fail

Once upon a time, I was in 8th grade. I was 13, young, innocent, and dating a boy that lived a block away from me. We were hanging out in his parents basement with a bunch of our friends, watching a movie, declaring our couplehood to each other, and occasionally kissing. Because that’s what all 8th graders in relationships should do.

At one point, my boyfriend leaned in to me and told me that he didn’t just like me — he really really liked me. I, being the sophisticated teen that I was, swooned and decided that I had the best boyfriend ever.

And when I turned my head to tell him this, he leaned his to kiss me. That’s when it happened. I felt his tongue crash into my mouth and hit my teeth in that awkward young version of kissing where nobody knows what the fuck is going on.

So, this is french kissing…I think to myself…I wonder if I’m supposed to do anything.

He all of a sudden leans back and jumps up from the couch, holding his hand over his mouth.

“I cut myself!” He yells, his hand still over his mouth. “I cut my fucking tongue!”

Did I mention I had braces?

Oh, the humanity.

Have you ever seen the movie John Tucker Must Die?

There’s a part of the movie, where the guy is about to kiss the girl and he bobs and she weaves and it’s basically really…really…awkward.

Heads butt, boobs are awkwardly brushed and then you don’t know if you should apologize or yell at the person for not matching your hugging technique.

So, rewind to last year sometime. I’ve been talking to this guy. Good guy, good friend, and the way we’ve been talking, it could potentially turn into something more.

The downside of the situation is that he’s living a couple states away, and the most personal we’ve gotten with each other is by text message and one very drunk phone call.

How the hell do you act in person then?

Time passes and the guy ends up moving back to Michigan. We make plans. I’m excited to see him, but am so nervous. It’s like I don’t know how to deal with real life contact after all this time apart.

But he comes over, and real contact is made.   

He leans in to hug me. I lean to hug him. And all of a sudden…

He went one way and I went the other way and it ended with this awkward sort of bumping, bumbling hug that you give a relative or someone you don’t really care for. Where do you go from there? 

We kind of awkwardly smile at each other and attempt to ignore the fact that we probably both would give better hugs to my Aunt Lenore, and I don’t even have an Aunt Lenore. At that moment, I find myself thinking back to that 8th grade boyfriend and my awkward first french kiss…

This guy and I still hang out that day, though we never really make any contact with each other besides eye contact. And that’s a stretch. When he leaves, we try the hug again. Only this time we switch directions and it’s still a fail. He finally just wraps his arms around me, and I kind of just chill out. I’m still thinking of that 8th grade awkward moment…

…in case you couldn’t guess, the 8th grade boyfriend and I broke up two weeks after the braces incident. Another month later, I woke up and found my house TP’d.

Awkward kissing encounter with the neighborhood boy turned into full fledged battle of the sexes neighborhood war.

 

About L.A.

Mom Life/Engaged Life/Blog Life/Love Life

Posted on August 24, 2012, in DeLorean DMC-12, Fix My Lighthouse, We Think We're Funny and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.

  1. LA uses awkward hug on Security! Its super effective! Security runs!

    I choose you theBoyUpstairs!

    Yes I made THAT reference…I blame your comic up there for it. I was strongly reminded.

    Not what I anticipated from Security…he should have been able to recover from that. Poorly played and a bit of a let down after all the build up. On him love, not you.

    • your comment went into spam. i’m guessing it was because of the sweet pokemon reference. which reminds me of LA’s slowpoke/slow poke reference the other night.

      furthermore, good thing you didn’t body shake.

    • Ah, but I don’t know if it was just me that felt the awkward…maybe he did and that’s why he’s not texting. Maybe he felt me being awkward and that’s why he’s not texting.

      Ooh.

      Maybe he knows about le blog and that’s why he’s not texting.

      Possibilities!

      Oh. And yay! HSM!!

  2. I’m gonna try to put a positive spin on this. There are much worse things that could have happened. You could have had the whole one person goes for a kiss and the other goes in for a hug. Or the “I don’t want to get close” ass out hug. I think both of those are worse.

    I know from experience.

  3. Dammit.
    This was not how it was supposed to end!
    I got excited that somebody else was in the same place as me and there goes all of my hope lol

  4. My most awkward hug moment:
    A bunch of friends and I would meet up weekly at a certain sushi bar for happy hour. The group would show up one or two at a time, depending on when they left work/traffic/etc., so people would be in various stages of arriving/eating/drinking/departing at any given time. I had arrived early, and was already eating when a female friend arrived and greeted me with a hug, which I awkwardly turned in my chair to return.

    I realized midway through this hug that my hand was not on her lower back as I intended. It was squarely on her ass.

    Neither of us acknowledged it and, to this day, I wonder if she thought it was deliberate.

    • Ah, yes. The accidental butt grab. My second favorite to the boob graze. It’s worse when it happens and you have the “I didn’t mean to touch your _______” conversation.

  5. Dude I do the handshake version of this ALL THE TIME. Cause I’m not sure cool, I go for the conventional handshake, missing the obvious “going on for a high five” clues my new CEO is giving off. So i immediately switch to the fist bump in a blind panic. Instead of actually doing the awful fist to open palm disaster, i opt for the “dropping my hands and standing there awkwardly in horror” while the CEO is just… hanging there… waiting for the high five that will NEVER EVER HAPPEN.

  6. ALSO – my toolbar is letting me know that “this page has insecure content” and I’m all HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THEIR MENTAL STATUS?? It’s like the computer KNOWS about the awkward hugs!!!

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