I’ve won the Olympic gold for tweeting.
Posted by L.A.
Well, it’s that Olympic time again. Here we are, uniting under the cover of WHO HAS THE MOST FLIPPER LIKE FEET IN ORDER TO PROPEL THEMSELVES THE FASTEST ACROSS A POOL. It’s awesome, really. And because I love the Olympics so much, here is a reason of WHY I LOVE THE 2k12 Olympics!
1. BRONZE MEDAL OF AWESOME GOES TO : Phelps v Lochte
They are both American athletes. They both have won medals. They’ve won medals together for that matter. But for awhile there, Twitter was abuzz with the great debate. Which swimmer do you love more?! There was that moment where Phelps failed to even place in an event where Lochte won gold… and my newsfeed exploded with a whole new competition.
Who do you love more, America? Can’t we just cheer for all our athletes and be proud that they’ve won for the USA? FUCK NO. But we can provide an analysis of who we are tweeting about more. Seriously. Someone did that. It’s awesome. Check it out. And let’s be honest. Someone out there is probably taking a poll of who we think looks better with their shirt off. Priorities, people.
2. SILVER MEDAL OF AWESOME GOES TO: “Player Sandwich”
I turned on the TV the other day in hopes of watching the US Women’s Gymnastics. It wasn’t on yet. Of course, such a popular event wouldn’t be on at a normal time of the day, it would be on in the middle of the fucking night.
You know what was on? Handball.
Now, when I picture handball, I see this:
Apparently, handball is actually a combination of soccer, hockey, spider monkeys, polo, basketball, power rangers, and a pinch of oregano. I finally wikipedia’d it after watching a few minutes because it was so bizarre. The goalie got hit in the face with a ball. That was chucked at her. Intensely fast. From like ten feet away. I might be exaggerating. But this goalie still got hit in the face and then was just like…I’m fine, let’s do this.
And on that note…let’s compare. I love hockey. We all know this. But when Jimmy Howard suits up, he suits up.When these handball people suit up, they’re all…Last but not least, in handball, they just push each other. It’s a technique. Trying to score? Fuck you, I’m just gonna push you. By standing between you and the goal, I’m preventing you from scoring in something called a “player sandwich.” I love that more than I should.
1. GOLD MEDAL OF AWESOME GOES TO: Annnnnnd e’rybody hates NBC.
I feel like I don’t even need to talk about this. Are you a US person trying to watch the Olympics and instead watching commercials about McDonald’s ironically sponsoring the games? Are you incredibly excited about watching the #FabFive try to win the gold when you find out that they’ve already won it but you won’t get to watch until later tonight? Delayed programming. Terrible timing. Ryan Seacrest. Pierre McDoucheTickle.
Congratulations. You’ve even been awarded a hashtag. #NBCFail
E’rebody hates NBC.
This concludes our broadcast of the XXX Summer Olympics, which actually involves nothing that is actually XXX rated. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.
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Posted on August 1, 2012, in Merriments, Twatterpants and other social networks, Words and Phrases and tagged Fab Five, Gold medal, Handball, Michael Phelps, NBC, Olympic Games, Ryan Lochte, Ryan Seacrest, Twitter, XXX. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.