Technology, you bitch.
I had this whole post I was going to write about how I’m on this letter writing kick. Seriously. It’s my latest obsession.
I’ve hashtagged it. I’m trying to use up all the stationary I’ve accumulated over my life, which is an excessive amount.
Do you want a letter on Pohacco stationary? I’ve got that. Hello Kitty? Got it. Beatles notecards? I’ve got oodles. Those dollar bins at Target tend to sell cute little notecards, and they are only ONE DOLLAR. I must buy them. In case, you know, I write letters someday. Like today.
But while I was prepping to write this great post about letters and HOW YOU CAN GET ONE FROM ME, complete with doodles and Gelly Roll writing, I decided that I needed some inspiration.
I head to iTunes, ready to sing along to “Amsterdam” by Guster.
I wanna write you a letter, wanna write you a book…wanna…NOT BE ABLE TO PLAY THE SONG BECAUSE MY HARD DRIVE IS NOT WORKING.
I seriously start hyperventilating. My life is on this hard drive. All my music, every single photo I’ve taken since I got a digital camera back in 2005, every book I’ve written, homework going back to at least the seventh grade (God only knows why I’ve kept that), my effing TAXES, did I mention EVERY SINGLE PHOTO THAT I’VE TAKEN SINCE 2005?!
My first thought is to call theAsian and cry. Since he is 100% Asian, he has a tendency to be able to save my life when technology fails. Which is a lot.
Maybe it’s because my parents decided to marry and thus create a little half n’ half baby. But Technology and I do not get along. Someone told me once that I need to defriend Technology. And they are correct.
Case in Point:
I finally get an iPhone. It’s so shiny and pretty and the best phone I’ve ever had. Two weeks after getting it, I’m biking to soccer practice. I put the iPhone into my sweatshirt. The sweatshirt into my stuff sack. When I get to the field, the screen somehow managed to crack to oblivion.
“Did you drop it?” asks HSM while I cry to him at the Apple store. “You have to drop it just right for this to happen.”
“It was wrapped up in my sweatshirt in my bag on my back!” I wail.
He shakes his head. “This would only happen to you.”
While typing one day, LeBebe tries to Houdini out of his playpen (He’s just learning to walk at this point).
I immediately jump up to catch him, and when I’m holding him and telling him why we do not climb out of our playpen, I turn to see my computer. Which I dropped on the floor. Oops.
“I brought a computer for you,” I tell theAsian.
He laughs. “I’m guessing that means it’s broken?”
“No,” I say defensively. “It works!”
“I dropped it and the screen flashes now.”*
I load all of my worldly possessions onto a hard drive to attempt to keep my computer from being overloaded. I go to plug in said hard drive and it will. not. load. It won’t even recognize. I take the thing to Best Buy. Geek Squad, save me.
“I can’t figure it out.” The guy hands it back to me, shaking his head. “It should work fine, but it doesn’t even want to load.”
“What about my files?” I am about to cry.
“SOL.” He shakes his head at me. “But I won’t charge you since we couldn’t fix it.”**
I buy a new digital camera. A few weeks into owning it, Macy and I are out and it somehow drops and breaks.
We go to a casino. I win big money. I buy a new camera.
Fast forward five months. Macy and I are at a hockey game. I put the camera into my pocket. We climb on a tree.
I wake up and the camera screen has cracked.
Technology. Hates. Me.***
*Normally, I don’t drop things. Technology just blows up on me. I have witnesses.
**theAsian managd to successfully pull all my data off the broken hard drive and put it onto a new drive. Fuck you, Geek Squad.
***Feel free to donate to the “Buy L.A. a new hard drive foundation.” It will be my third hard drive. Although, I did manage to get it to connect by using a camera USB cord. I just can’t touch it, or it yells at me and starts making scary noises.
Posted on October 13, 2011, in Fix My Lighthouse, PSA, TechnoFunk, Words and Phrases and tagged Amsterdam, Bad luck, Broken, Digital camera, Guster, iphone, letters, Portable Hard Drive, technology. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.