Genetics and a collection of stories about VS
When my sister and I were growing up, we were basically two little bitches. We either REALLY loved each other, which involved exciting Barbie games and the like, or hated each other, which involved less exciting Barbie games where generally my Barbie would lose it’s head.
Then we grew older, and learned to appreciate each other. This is pretty easy when there’s ten hours of distance between you, and an Asian mother who just tends to say really funny shit. Plus, we realized the world balanced out between the two of us. For example, I was street smart, and she was book smart. I could solve Sudoku like no other, and she got her SAT results in the mail saying “CONGRATULATIONS, EVERYONE ELSE IS FUCKING DUMB.”
Her street smarts lead to a number of hilarious moments throughout my life. I now bring you:
Stories that wouldn’t have happened if my parents hadn’t had a huge surprise in 1985.
The year is 2003. VS has just graduated from high school. We’re at Target with her best friend and we’re shopping for her new dorm room.
“Oh, crap.” VS tells us as we heave and ho a giant mini fridge into the cart. “I forgot my wallet in the car! How am I going to pay for my stuff?”
Her best friend and I exchange a look where we wonder how she ever got into college, then remember her near perfect ACT scores.
“VS,” the best friend says. “Why don’t you go out to the car and get your wallet?”
The lightbulb goes off. VS heads for the door.
Cue alarms and bells and whistles. Her best friend and I practically pee our pants laughing while VS looks at us with this innocent “WTF did I do” look.
Last Winter. VS is home for Christmas. We’re driving to meet some other Asians for drinks. We get to the bar and the best parking spot available involves parallel action.
“I suck at parallel parking.” I tell her. “How do you feel about walking to the bar from a non parallel location?”
“Fuck that shit.” VS tells me. “I can parallel like a pro.”
So we switch places and she does some manuvers with the steering wheel while I try and fail to put eyeliner on.
“Done.” She puts the car into park.
We get out.
“VS,” I tell her. “HALF my car is on the curb.”
“Yes,” she responds. “But ALL of it is in the parking spot.”
That brings us to the reason of this post.
- Yesterday was VS’s big 26th birthday. I dedicate this post of love to her. If anyone wants to send her some blessings or money or artistic opportunities, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
- The most recent story of “Why my big sister kicks ass and should write a book about it”
VS is at work with her co-worker, who has one of those ridiculously long and hard to spell hyphenated names. The co-worker wants to set up VS on a date.
VS debates over this for awhile. She decides that she will e-mail co-worker about the set up.
“Dear Impossibly long named co-worker,
I’ve decided you may set me up with your friend. However, he must be good in bed.
However, when she goes to send this e-mail, she can’t remember how to spell the really long name, which conveniently is the co-worker’s email address.
Quick thinking has VS finding the co-worker’s name on an office e-mail.
Yeah. She sent it to the WHOLE OFFICE.
I love you, big sis.
Happy Belated Birthday.
- Deconstructing Barbie (holykaw.alltop.com)
- Where is all that intelligence? . . . A back-to-school post (rebekahbowen.wordpress.com)
Posted on August 17, 2011, in DeLorean DMC-12, Words and Phrases and tagged Awkward, birthday, Blonde Moments, Celebration, Emails, Sibling Rivalry, Sisters, Street smarts. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.